jeter harris

da gratest haz lef da billdin.

2012-01-29T06:58:00.005-05:00

mi bes frendz, sarge charlie an ab

purr fer mi bes frend sarge charlie an fer hiz family, pleez.
espeshulee fer mi deer AB.

i will miss him furrever.
da end.

it haz been sum time

2011-11-19T11:26:00.003-05:00

it iz wid grate concern (but i know it will turn owt fer da best) dat i return to mi blog to report dat mi brudder frum a diffrent mudder KIMO haz gon missin. dis iz disturbin to hiz mom an dad an to hiz blurp sistah an to hiz brudder SABI. havin first hand knowlidje abowt walkabowtz ... mi brudder iz probublee wurried hizself abowt how to get back in da howse. i am askin doze uv u hoo ar reedin dis to say a speshul purr dat KIMO FIGYERZ OWT HOW TO GET HOME. thank u.

in udder nooz ... mi brudder matsui jus brot a little bird to mi mom an he wuz cryin an cryin fer her to see it. mi mom wuzzen't gointa let mi brudder in da howse ... but wen she opened da door ... da bird flew away an mi mom let mi brudder in. wen he jumped up on her lap ... she discovered a giant tic an wuz gointa remoov it ... but matsui made hiz getaway ... tic an all.

dere iz alwayz sumthing happenin in dis howse ... sumtimez sum thingz ar mor intrestin dan udderz.

jus sayin.

luv--yer frend-jeter harris (hizself)

happee birfday to skeezix da cat ...

2011-09-16T23:21:00.001-04:00

today iz da birfday uv mi bes frend ...

skeezix da cat.

an in honor uv dis speshul okayshun ...

mi mom took da "el gato" owtta her purse!

so ... in honor uv skeez ...

i'm havin sum fun ...

i luv mi nip ...

thank u skeez fer givin me a reezun to celebrate!

wow ... i'm done!

da end!

jus lookin fer sumthin

2011-09-11T13:53:00.000-04:00

mom? mom?

good! she'z not heer.

givz me a chance to ...

look fer sumthin in her purse.

now ware iz mi ...

nip cigar?

i know it mus be in heer!

i think i saw mi mom playin wid it yesturday.

relaxin wile showin off mi mancatliness

2011-09-10T10:55:00.000-04:00

i wuz jus takin a snooz wen mi mom snapped dis pikshur uv me.

heer izza nudder shot frum da same snooz:

get owt auntie bee'z smellin saltz ...

she'z gointa need 'em.

jus sayin.

i am a mancat.

wiki fur

2011-09-07T19:46:00.001-04:00

hav u ever vizitid "wiki fur"?

i wuz verree surprized to find it wen i wuz lookin up da definishun uv "scritchez"

i fownd da followin definishun fer scritchez:

The term scritch, also known as scritchies, skritch, or skritches, is given to the act of gently scratching someone's back, neck or between the ears in an affectionate manner using one's fingernails (or more lightly with fingertips), or the claws of a fursuit or plushie.

Commonly considered a form of interpersonal furry affection, it's considered bad form to try this on strangers, or those furs or fans of fur not comfortable with the idea or the act. It is generally better to pat a fursuiter than to scritch them, as it has less chance of matting the fur.

i am alwayz intrestid to lern sumthin noo.

i am gointa go back to lern more stuff on wiki fur ...

after i get mi scritchez!
...

i lerned dat mi mom izza fursuiter.
jus sayin.

http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/WikiFur_Furry_Central

mi mom went back to da skool today ... but look ware i wuz yesturday

2011-09-06T17:33:00.000-04:00

it had to happen.

summer iz over an mi mom went back to da skool today.

i missed seein her ... but she came home an mashed mi food purfectly.

an now, i'm sittin nex to her an luvin her.

but look ware i wuz yesturday ...

mi mom wen owtside ... so i decided to follow her.

it'z not offin dat i get owt deez dayz.

i checked owt da sichyooayshun ...

an lissened fer stoopid introoderz ...

an den ...

jus like in da old dayz ...

i took a nap on da weber.

it wuz grate!

followin mi mom evreeware

2011-09-04T12:01:00.000-04:00

i can't help it.

i havta follow mi mom evreeware.

wut am i gointa do wen she goez back to da skool in a fyoo dayz?

i dunno.

da end.

duhr!

2011-09-03T05:37:00.001-04:00

mi blog iz possessed!!!!

i gotta strange messije wen i tride to post before an sum frendz ar gettin strange messijez, too.

wut da?

i'm writin to u now ... but mi blog iz not rite.

...

i havva story to tell u abowt dis mornin.

i hope u can reed it.

so las nite mi mom an i were watchin a moovie called "devil" it wuz abowt sum peepul stuck inna elivator wid da devil ... an it took place in da "333" bilding. it wuz disturbin.

after da moovie ... i asked mi dad to lemme owt fer da nite ... (it'z safer at nite becuz dat stoopid kitten joba goze sumware else.)

now it getz interestin.

i wuz on da top roof an wuz callin fer mi mom to lemme in throo da bafroom window. mi mom woke up an lemme in an gess wut time it wuz.

3:33!

intrestin ... rite!

i tride to convince her to gimme brekfast but she sed it wuz too early.

wen mi brudder mickey started askin fer brekfast, mi mom jumped owtta bed an served us both. (u may remember wut mi brudder duz if mi mom duzzen't lissen

to him. he peez on wutever he can find.)

so we got to eet a early brekfast at 4:00 am ... an dat'z da end uv mi story...

until i tride to write abowt dis on mi blog an wuz gettin all kindz uv disturbin messijez.

do u think sumthin unyoozhual iz goin on?

shood i be skared?

lookin at miself on da catster

2011-08-17T20:29:00.001-04:00

wow!

dis iz ware it all began brudderz an sistahz.

catster.

i haven't vizitid da old nayberhood inna wile.

lookit doze pikshurz uv me.

i wuzza kyoot kitten.

wile i wuz dere, i vizitid mi bes frend reebok da grate.

u know ... it'z troo.

wen yer bes frendz, u don't hav to talk evree day.

wen u finally do get together it'z like u saw eech udder yesturday.

...

in udder nooz:

i had stake las nite.

delish!

jus sayin'

2011-08-16T11:58:00.006-04:00

a update on mi frend bruce (da boss)

BRUCE UPDATE 8.30 PM - He is home, calm & relaxing in his crate, he has had food & water & lots of chin tickles!! & is slowly drifting off to sleep, all is good so far. One leg has superficial cuts, the other is badly damaged, with severed tendons & nerves. They are a bit concerned he could have a very slight fracture of the pelvis but said this would be dealt with by crate rest anyway. He goes back Friday for change of dressings and check up.

an now back to yer regyoolarly skedyooled blog:

hoo needz to ware sunglassez ...

wen u can jus munch on 'em ...

delishus.

wut da?

2011-08-15T16:41:00.000-04:00

sum time ago ... wen we were all young an free spiritid ... many uv us catz belonged to catster.

after moovin along to da blogosphere, i started payin more attenshun to mi blog. i never fergot mi catster frendz, tho.

one uv mi favrit frendz at catster wuz bruce da boss.

he wuzza popyoolar an verree busy cat in dat nayberhood.

mi mom an da grate mom uv bruce were akshooally da furst mom'z to meet in reel life. dey met atta springsteen concert many, many, many yeerz ago.

it wuz verree eksitin.

bruce wuz inna serious accident dis mornin in da yoo kay.

it seemz dat he fell into a greenhowse an hurt hizself bad.

in fact ... he wuz in shock after hiz accident an inna lotta pain.

i am purrin an purrayin fer a speedy an compleet recovery.

yer in mi mind an in mi hart brudder!

mi favrit spot

2011-08-09T13:47:00.000-04:00

can u see ware i'm sittin?

i'm sittin on mi favrit spot.

it'z da kitchen table.

it hazza glass top an it'z verree cumfterbul.

i like to leev mi fur on it azza speshul treet fer doze hoo will be eetin on it.

sum mite think it'z unsanitary.

i don't care.

it'z mi favrit spot.

da end.

wunderin

2011-08-07T12:48:00.000-04:00

wut haz becum uv me?

i wuz once da king uv da grate owtdoorz.

i stood on da back wall ...

an enjoyed da byootiful dayz an warm sunshine.

i thot evreethin wuz funnee on da pat-ee-yo an i laffed an laffed!

life wuz grate.

i lissened to da jeterbird an felt free!

wut happened to doze dayz wen i stood by da door ... wen da growt wuz cleen ... an begged mi mom

"owt ... lemme owt!"

doze dayz ar gone.

now, wen i go owt becuz mi mom iz in da backyard ... even a bee flyin neer me freekz me owt ... an i rush to get back in da howse.

an i lie on da cloze hamper ...

in da air condishunin.

am i a prizoner uv mi howse?

i am wunderin.

how did i becum hoo i am today?

reedin da sportz paje onna saturday afternoon.

2011-08-06T13:22:00.001-04:00

dere iz nuthin like reedin da sportz paje onna saturday afternoon after a grate game on friday nite!

it'z espeshullee grate wen yer teem iz in first place!

if u wanna getta lode uv da standinz in da american leeg an da national leeg
jus click on da title uv today'z post!

u will be glad u did!

an wile yer dere ... leev a messije!

mi brudder matsui givz mi mom da bird.

2011-08-05T13:32:00.000-04:00

warnin: if u belong to da audubon society dis will be verree disturbin to u. it'z not mi fault ... it'z mi brudder matsui.

...

mi brudder matsui brot mi mom a gift today.

mi mom sed da followin:

"Oh please Matsui. No more gifts!"

i hope it wuzzen't da jeterbird we herd dis mornin.

duhr.

...

speekin uv jeterbird, mi mom herd da "jeter, jeter, jeter, jeter, jeter jeet" dis mornin wen she retreeved da messije frum da noo york yankeez on her cell phone. she wuz so eksited. evreethin pointed to sum eksitin nooz ... (da bird singin an da fact dat da yankeez' pct iz .618 wich iz mi mom'z lucky number)

so wen she returned da call an talked to da guy frum da noo york yankeez she wuz a little disappointed dat he wanned to sell her a seesunz packije or sumthin.

anudder duhr.

she wuz able, however, to menshun her cat jeter harris.

still no free ticketz.

oh well.

sorree mom.

but you did getta bird.

jus sayin.

havin a little fun wid mi brudder mickey

2011-08-04T17:29:00.000-04:00

i saw mi brudder mickey on da bed dis mornin an i jus had to jump up an tell him sumthin.

i wispered it in hiz eer ... jus lowd enuff fer him to heer ...

i sed ...

YER SNORIN!

dat fixed it brudderz an sistahz.

he stopped snorin.

da end.

jus doin sum chorez arownd da howse

2011-07-31T00:57:00.000-04:00

a importunt chore fer me to do iz to make sure all da dishez in da sink ar cleen. i like to get rite into da sink an get to werk.

...

fer yer infermashun ... mi mom jus let dat stoopid kitten joba in da howse an i'm gettin a little nervus an stuff. i'm doin a little bit uv growlin an a little bit uv whinin.

in fact ... heer i am jus watchin him az he moovez arownd da kitchen lookin fer stuff to eet an decidin if he wanz to spend da rest uv da nite in da howse.

i am disturbed an will ~~follow mi mom~~ ... allow mi mom to carry me upstairz so i can stay cleer uv him fer da nite.

da end.

to mi grate frendz arjuna, david, krishna, kristopher, little stevie katz, marcy stein, an da gratest cat lady in provincetown

2011-07-28T18:38:00.001-04:00

3000 muffinz???????

now dat'z funnee!

i'm laffin an laffin!

da end.

look ware i am ... tra la ... tra la!

2011-07-28T12:56:00.001-04:00

look ware i am brudderz an sistahz!

i'm in da grate owtdoorz!

i can feel da brickz beneeth mi pawz ...

da sowndz uv doze bugz dat sownd like rattlez ar in mi eerz ...

i heer da birdz ... an i smell da grass an stuff!

i'm in da grate owtdoorz.

look how calm i am ...

no ... i'm not wurried abowt da stoopid kitten joba.

i know dat he iz jus stepz away frum me an can pounce on me any minit!

lookit me ... i'm ...

back in da howse an safe!

dat wuz close!

da end!

up to date wid yer frend jeter harris (hizself)

2011-07-27T08:43:00.000-04:00

some mite think dat i look sad

but goin owt fer me iz bad

i stay inside an follow mom

dat makez me a happee tom.

tom? wut'z dat ... yer noo name?

no mi frendz ... da name'z da same

wut'z noo iz da way i liv mi life

free uv stress ... widowt da strife

uv dat kitten joba ... stoopid kitten ... duhr

i'm happee now ... becuz ...

i'm wid ...

HER!

...

i think i'll suggjest we make sum blueberry muffinz now.

da beginnin ...

uv anudder grate day wid mi mom.

how i helped mi mom on sunday... an wut i stayed away frum

2011-07-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

mi mom sed:

"I have these blueberries ... what should I do Puppy?"

i sugjestid she make blueberry muffinz ... an she did.

heer iz mi squillion, laffin an laffin, standin behind one uv dem:

mi mom wanz u to know dat deez ar delishus muffinz.

she will giv u da resipee if u wan it.

...

in udder nooz ...

heer'z da reezun why i stay in da howse:

lookit him.

he'z so stoopid.

he cood be in da howse durin deez d-o-g dayz ...

but noooooo....

stoopid.

da end.

dis mornin

2011-07-17T10:25:00.001-04:00

dis mornin i will help mi mom change da sheetz on her bed.

i will take a nap.

i will stay in da howse.

...

anserz an commentz:

to mi grate frend anonymous: no i do not like stoopid joba. it'z da trooth. he teezez me an, sumtimez, fitez wid me. he can hav da backyard ... i will stay inside. surprizinly he luvz to jump on mi mom'z lap an get sum luvin. it'z not surprizin dat he likez da luvin ... evreecat duz. it'z surprizin dat he can act so ... tame!

mi dad callz me a "wuss" becuz i don't go owtside anymore (eksept at nite an in da frunt uv da howse)

i don't care. i know wut i'm doin.

to mi grate frend max: i did not know dat da gurlz don't like watchin a mancat do hiz groomin owt in da open ... even at nite. i will take yer advice an groom in da privacy uv mi own home frum now on. thank u. (no wunder yer da go to cat on mousebreath!)

pee ess: speekin uv "mousebreath" click on "dis mornin" an it will take u to mi 10 kweschun quiz. dere iz swag in da makin fer anycat hoo can answer all da kweschunz correctly ... an it'z open book!!!!!

wut i do at nite part duhr. pikshurz.

2011-07-16T13:07:00.000-04:00

wut i do at nite

2011-07-15T23:34:00.000-04:00

fer yer infermashun, brudderz an sistahz, i do go owtside at nite.

i go owt da frunt door ... i avoid da backyard.

why?

do u hav to ask?

dat stoopid kitten iz hangin owt in da back.

after sum time gettin sum fresh air ... i wate at da door fer mi mom to lemme back in da howse ware i spend da rest uv da nite an da followin day.

it'z a eksitin life mi frendz. lemme tell ya.

...

in udder nooz ...

if yer a follower uv mousebreath u may or mayen't know dat i havva column called "in da dugowt."

fer fun (an to see if anyone iz reedin mi column) i made uppa quiz (a open book quiz) an i hav offered a prize fer any cat (or non-cat) hoo can answer mi kweschunz wid 100% accuracy.

if u wanna take da quiz (an u shood) click on mousebreath on da sidebar an den click on "in da dugowt."

dere haz already been a 100% quiz grade.

verree eksitin.

da end.

today

2011-07-14T12:31:00.005-04:00

it'zza nudder grate day wid mi mom and ...

i thank da grate cat above fer deze purrfect momentz.

...

in udder nooz ...

u know dat guy, christian lopez, hoo caught (or maybe i shood say "picked

up") da ball when derek jeter hit hiz 3000th? well, altho i beleeved dat he did da rite thing wen he handed da ball over to da grate dj (hizself) dere were allotta peepul hoo believed he shooda kept da ball an asked fer allotta money. after all, he haz big collije lonez to pay for.

well ... i'm verree eksited to say dat doze peepul at modellz and steiner sportz hav helped him pay off hiz $100,000 in lonez.
$50,000
an doze peepul at miller beer ar pickin up da taxez on all da swag he got az giftz from da yankeez.
?$$$.

but mos importunt uv all ... christian lopez got to meet hiz idol!

priceless!

chillaxin wid mi mom

2011-07-12T05:20:00.000-04:00

u know ... warever mi mom goez ... i go.

deez dayz i like to keep her close, know wut i meen? like rite now ... she'z sittin nex to me. maybe i jus don't wan her to go away again.

da udder nite we were chillaxin watchin a moovie. dat'z me in da pikshur. see how mi wiskerz ar sorta draped over da chair?

intrestin.

mi mom unnerstandz dat i hav sum ishyooz an i don't wanna go owtside doo to dat stoopid kitten joba.

mi dad callz me a "wimp."

i think dat'z jus rood.

dere'z nuthin wrong wid stayin inside chillaxin wid mi mom.

iz dere?

borrowin sumthin frum mousebreath

2011-07-10T10:08:00.001-04:00

az u may or mayen't know ... i havva column in mousebreath called in da dugowt wid jeter harris. today'z post wuz abowt derek jeter an hiz 30000th hit. it wuz verree eksitin. (da hit an da column!)

if yer too lazy to take a trip over to mousebreath i am copyin da post fer yer reedin pleasure rite heer:

"Something I will remember for the rest of my life"

doze ar da werdz derek jeter sed wen asked abowt hiz historik 3000th hit jus arownd 2:00 yesturday afternoon at yankee stadium. it wuz mor eksitin becuz hiz 3000th hit wuzza homerun … an dat iz only da second time in history dat happened! (da only udder player to reech 3000 widda homerun wuz da grate wade boggs in 1999.) mi mom an i were watchin az jeter walked up to da plate in da 3rd innin. after a fyoo ballz, a fyoo strikez, anna fyoo fowlz, jeter slammed dat ball into da left feeld an into da bleecherz ware christian lopez wuz able to retreeve it. (verree eksitin fer mister lopez becuz he got to shake jeter’z hand an den da yankeez gave him fabyoolus seetz fer da rest uv da seeson an sum autographed jeter swag.) derek jeter iz da 28th player to join da 3000 club. he iz da first yankee to have 3000 hitz! he hadda grate game. he went 5 fer 5 an had da go ahead single in da 8th innin to help hiz teem beat da tampa bay rayz.
in deez timez, we all need a role model to look up to. derek jeter izza role model an datz wutz so grate abowt him. itz not jus dat he wuz da rookie uv da yeer, or da mvp, or an all star, or a gold glove, or dat he haz played in da werld seriez an warez a handful uv werld seriez ringz … derek jeter duz da rite thing. he iz sumone kidz an catz can emyoolate. he werkz hard an he haz confidence in hizself. i luv him an i am prowd dat he an i hav da same name … JETER! i will remember watchin dat homerun yesturday fer da rest uv mi life!
CONGRATYOOLASHUNZ DEREK JETER!

yer da gratest!

fer yer infermashun

2011-07-08T19:51:00.000-04:00

mi mom wuz wid ...

da byootiful auntie bee ... an mi hero ... da grate sarge charlie

las week.

dis pikshur iz owtta focus.

were dey drinkin or sumthin?

i dunno.

mi mom iz home an i am glad.

it'zza bowt time.

jus sayin.

da end.

jeter ... a grate name ... fer a d-o-g!

2011-07-06T22:09:00.000-04:00

brudderz an sistahz,

in honor uv mi namesake ...

da grate derek jeter, hizself ...

an hiz race to 3000 hitz ...

i am reprintin dis articul frum da noo york timez abowt d-o-gz dat hav been named jeter.

i'mma little disappointid dat i diden't getta call fer a intervyoo.

(wid thankz to a few good catz ... lizzie, caitie, nicky, an da grate kelly)

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Over 17 seasons and nearly 3,000 hits, Derek Jeter has inspired many dog owners who have named their pets after him.

Off the field, he has had a pretty good career, too, becoming the face of one of the most popular franchises in American sports, and dating many beautiful women.

His success has allowed him to take his place among names like Ruth, Mantle and DiMaggio. It has also, it turns out, earned him a prominent place among another set of names — like Princess and Rocky, Lucky and Buddy and Coco.

New York City, you see, is home to 33 dogs actively registered under the name Jeter. Across the Hudson, at the Valley Animal Hospital in Clifton, N.J., there are seven clients who go by the name Jeter, and on a single mail route in nearby Montclair, there are at least two Jeters — both reported to be friendly. In Jersey City, a Labrador is named Jeter; in Stamford, Conn., the city’s lone Jeter is a beagle.

Jack Beibel, 16, of Montclair said he named his dog Jeter because the shortstop was his favorite player. His cockapoo has taken to it.

“If we yell, ‘Yankees,’ he starts barking,’ ” Beibel said. “And if we yell, ‘Red Sox,’ he kneels down.”

Jeter, by this canine measure, is more popular than his teammates, according to statistics provided by the New York City Department of Health. There is, for instance, one licensed dog named A-Rod. There are eight licensed dogs named Tex in the city, although it is far from clear whether they are all named in honor of Mark Teixeira.

The phenomenon, though, has crossed into enemy territory, and has been realized in Jeter’s hometown. There are, for instance, three dogs registered as Jeter in Worcester, Mass., and another in Cambridge, a mere bone’s throw from Fenway Park.

In Kalamazoo, Mich., where Jeter grew up, there are four dogs named for the hometown hero. Oh, and two cats, too.

But there has been, along with the harmless good fun, at least one truly solemn story involving a dog named Jeter. In Dayton, Ohio, a Great Pyrenees named after the shortstop died in a fire in June 2009 after alerting his owner about a fire in the basement of their home.

The owner, Glenda Moss, credited Jeter with saving her and her son’s lives.

“We named him Jeter because we always loved Derek Jeter and we respect him,” said Moss, who has no ties to the New York area and is not a Yankees fan. “We believe that he has morals and that he really cares about the games. That’s what we look for in baseball players. Do they respect the game or is it just a business for them?”

Moss rescued Jeter through the National Great Pyrenees Rescue and had him for three years before he died. The organization donated another dog to the family four months after the fire. Moss named her Maddux after the former major league pitcher Greg Maddux.

“He had the greatest social life,” Moss said of Jeter, her dog. “Everybody loved him, and he loved everyone.”

Jon Levine and his family, also of Montclair, have a Cavalier King Charles spaniel named Jeter with a couple connections to the almost certain Hall of Famer.

The Levines’ Jeter was born on June 25, 2009 — one day before Derek Jeter’s birthday — and was taken home to his new family on Sept. 11, 2009, the night Jeter passed Lou Gehrig on the Yankees’ career hits list.

“The easy answer is I’m a die-hard Yankees fan,” Levine said when asked about why he named his dog Jeter. “I was a big fan of Thurman Munson, and in my adult life, Jeter has played that role. He’s the epitome of class and character.”

The Jeter dog count is, by definition, fluid and perhaps imperfect (one cannot, for instance, say with certainty they are all named after the shortstop). The various agencies that keep track of such things list only dogs that are currently registered; there could be a few unlicensed, unregistered Jeters. There could be still other Jeters who have died since the Jeter who was the 1996 American League Rookie of the Year broke into the majors at age 21.

Naming pets after famous athletes is certainly not a recent development. With plenty of research, one could probably figure out how many Madduxes and Griffeys are out there. At the same time, naming dogs after athletes is not all that popular.

In New York, Jeter does not come close to cracking the city’s 10 most popular dog names. That list consists of traditional dog names like Max, which 942 dogs answer to in the five boroughs. The only top name that could possibly be associated with an athlete is Rocky, which is the third-most popular name in the city, with 644 dogs licensed.

But pets are not the only Jeters around. According to the Social Security Administration, 47 baby boys nationwide were named Jeter in 2010, up from 39 in 2009. In 1998, five newborns were given the name.

Yet, Jeter as a baby name does not compare to another Yankees legend. In 1957, Mickey Mantle won the second of his back-to-back American league Most Valuable Player Awards and led the Yankees to the World Series title. That same, year 944 babies were named Mickey.

dere iz only one jeter harris, tho.

da end.

happee birfday america

2011-07-04T22:38:00.000-04:00

in honor uv da 4th uv july

i wanna saloot a grate yankee doodle dandy.

dere iz nuthin ... NUTHIN brudderz an sistahz ... like seein a rebel inna

yankee(z) cap!

join me in salootin a grate american

sarge charlie

on dis ... our country'z birfday!

...

mi mom iz in da funshine state wile i am home, keepin dis werld safe frum dat stoopid kitten joba.

i miss mi mom.

da end.

skaredy cat

2011-05-31T18:14:00.000-04:00

ok brudderz an sistahz ...

u can call me a skaredy cat ...

a big fat baby.

it'z troo mi frendz.

i'll tell u why.

az soon az i go owt into da grate owtdoorz i smell dis awful smell ... dis stoopid kitten smell. it'z evreeware! so ... i get skared. mi eerz ar goin all over da place lissenin fer stoopid kitten. mi eyez get all skared an stuff lookin fer stoopid kitten. mi fur iz sorta unkempt becuz it'z gettin ready to stand on end if i see dat stoopid kitten joba.

so ... i go owtside wid mi mom ... an only wid mi mom.

if she goez inside ... i'm rite behind her.

dis iz sumwut crazy since all mi life i hav luved da grate owtdoorz. now i luv da cownterz an da sink an da window sill an da aircondishuner.

go figyer.

i wish i wuz brave like mi brudder matsui ... or i wish i cood let dis jus roll off mi back like mi brudder mickey.

but i can't.

so ... u can call me skaredy cat if u want ... but az long az dat stoopid kitten joba leevez me alone ... i will do wut i hav to do.

da end.

(so now i'mma slacker and a skaredy cat ... wut do u say to dat sarge?)

slack-er

2011-05-22T20:49:00.001-04:00

webster'z dikshunary definez "slacker" az followz:

slacker (noun)

1-a person who shirks work or obligation; especially: one who evades military service in time of war

2-a person and especially a young person who is perceived to be disaffected, apathetic, cynical, or lacking ambition.

duhr... sir.

mousebreath

2011-05-05T00:15:00.000-04:00

well ... it'z offishul. i am a sportz reporter fer mousebreath!

if u wanna take a look ... click on da mousebreath badge jus above da pikshur uv mi bes frend sarge charlie on mi rite sidebar.

look fer "in da dugowt wid jeter harris" an reed a verree comprehensive sportz report! (wut'z "comprehensive?")

u can reed lotzza udder articlez, too.

i'm verre prowd an honored to be associated wid dis fabyoolus magazine.

da ~~end~~ beginnin.

jus a little d-o-g humor!

2011-05-02T22:47:00.000-04:00

Why Dogs Can’t Use Computers

He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail”.
It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
He can’t stick his head out of Windows.

happee may da first

2011-05-01T13:16:00.004-04:00

brudderz an sistahz ...

ittza BYOOTIFUL day ...

i wuz owtside havin sum fun ... rollin in da stuff on da patio ... wen mi mom took dis pikshur. notice mi left paw ... i wuz tellin her to go away.

...

i want u to know dat mousebreath (mousebreath.com) haz taken off.

itzza reallee grate magazine fer cat luverz. i hope dat u take a look.

i wuz watchin a video uv da catz on cat island in japan.

it'z verree intrestin an i think u shood watch it yerself.

soon i will be contribyootin to mousebreath miself.

i hope u will reed "in da dugout wid jeter harris." (i'm not sure dat it'z spelled like dat ... but u get da pikshur.)

...
brudderz an sistahz ...
i'm verree eksited to tell u dat mi first article iz on mousebreath!
pleez click heer (http://mousebreath.com/2011/05/01/interdoosing-in-da-dugout-wid-jeter-harris/) an take a look!

anudder rekwest frum junior an orion ... i fulfill all rekwestz!

2011-04-27T21:54:00.007-04:00

deer junior an orion,

u asked abowt mi brudder matsui ...

heer he iz sneekin up on me.

yer wunderin abowt him got me thinkin ... maybe i can rite a little poem abowt him ...

an so ... widowt further a-doo ...

mi brudder matsui

bi jeter harris

matsui iz mi brudder

azza hunter dere iz no udder.

fer him it'z not hard

to eet stuff in owr yard.

birdz, rodentz, an bunniez jus shudder.
...

he'zza boy-cat hoo'z reelee so kyoot.

ware'z a black an wite boy-cat soot.

hazza bushee black tail

an green eyez dat don't fail

to make all da girlz go ka-poot!

...

mi dad sez he'z da gentlest cat.

i think i can second dat!

hazza meow dat iz sweet

but i havta repeet ...

to birdz, rodentz, an bunniez he'zza ...

killer cat!

mi brudder matsui wuz named fer da grate hideki matsui, hizself. mr. matsui wuz da mvp in da 2009 werld seriez.

he wuz traded da nex yeer.

duhr.

fer mi frendz junior an orion

2011-04-26T00:01:00.002-04:00

jus becuz i like junior an orion ... an only becuz i like junior an orion ...

i asked mi mom to take sum pikshurz uv dat stoopid kitten joba.

lookit him actin like he ownz da place ...

enjoyin da birdz singin ... an da gentle breeziz ...

pozin in da byootiful green grass fer mi mom.

i hate him.

he'z stoopid.

he haz roo-ind mi life.

u mite be intrested in him becuz u don't live wid him j + o.

he smellz.

jus sayin.

da end.

monday nooz

2011-04-25T17:38:00.003-04:00

ah ... smell da grate owtdoorz.

dere iz notta clowd in da sky an da wether iz purrfecshun!

but i'm not goin owtta da howse.

an i will tell u why ...

i'm wurried abowt dat stoopid kitten joba.

i can smell him evreeware!

it'z so disturbin.

he even climbz up mi tree an walkz on mi roof.

i can't take it i tell u.

i'm goin back inside.

da end.

...

in udder nooz ...

skeezy asked me to write a column fer hiz noo magazine ... mousebreath.com!

i am jumpin up an down!

dis iz veree eksitin!

mickey climbz in throo da bafroom window an udder stuff

2011-04-24T10:50:00.002-04:00

mi brudder climbin in throo da bafroom window

after hiz antikz yesturday, it wuz decided dat mi brudder mickey wood spend da nite owtside ... an dat wuz fine wid him.

heer he iz comin throo da bafroom window dis mornin.

it iz nice to know dat, at hiz advanced age, he iz still able to climb up to da roof an come in throo da window.

nappin after helpin mi mom repare furnicher

i fergot to tell u yesturday ...

i helped mi mom repare sum furnicher.

it wuz eggzawstin an i needed a nap wen we were finished.

...

i think mi brudder matsui ate a live easter bunny last week.

i'm jus sayin.

i'm sorree dat he did it.

i wuz not happy abowt it.

...

i hope yer havin a byootiful easter today ... an i hope da only easter bunniez yer eatin are chocolate.

luv--yer frend--jh

saturday poetry

2011-04-23T11:37:00.004-04:00

yer frend jeter harris ... back frum "hiatus" (wut'z "hiatus?")

brudderz an sistahz.

i hav been told bi mi bes frend sarge charlie dat i shood get back to bloggin.

i hav been lazy frendz.

well ... honestly ... i hav been doin da same stuff evree day an i diden't think u wood be intrested in mi napz an mi eetin habitz ... an u sertinlee wooden't wanna heer abowt dat stoopid kitten joba.

but today i hav sumthin to tell u an i will do it inna poem:

a poem onna saturday morn
(a troo story)

bi jeter harris

'twuz jus pas da hour

da hour uv six

wen mi brudder woke mi deer mom.

he walked up to her sleepin ...

an sed a fyoo werdz

hiz cryin wen on an on.

she herd him ... i know it

but she diden't stir

she wuz tired azza noo born pup.

he knocked stuff on da floor

an jumped on da bed

but mi mom jus wooden't get up!

mickey'z stomach wuz growlin

he jus cooden't wait

he needed hiz half can uv friskiez,

so he walked oo'r to mom

an lifted hiz tail

an finallee he started to pee!

mi mom sed sum werdz

on skeezy'z bad list

an she kwickly jumped owtta da bed.

she ran down da stairz,

dished owt all da food,

"How could you Mickey!?" she sed.

i watched dis happen

az i stood neerby

an i laffed

az mi hungry brudder peed

i'm sorree it got mi deer mom wet

but it resulted inna 6:30 feed.

da end.

mi brudder mickey ...

mi brudder iz well fed an tired now.

note ... he iz sleepin on da bed dat haz been stripped uv all da sheetz an blanket.

iz dat a smile on hiz face?

jus wunderin.

not kwite white brudder wednesday

2011-03-15T22:23:00.000-04:00

mi brudder mickey iz da gratest.

he luvz MI yankee bed dat wuz given to ME azza gift.

dis iz wut i get to sleep on ...

a smelly ... old ... but GRATE nip sausage.

life iz grate!

harharhar!

(notta) still life

2011-03-11T06:33:00.000-05:00

i think i'll try da banana.

not.

mi day today

2011-03-08T21:37:00.001-05:00

da end.

happee birfday to ME!!!

2011-03-02T23:07:00.001-05:00

it'z almos time to take owt da OLD birfday cake brudderz an sistahz.

it'z mi birfday in jus a fyoo hourz an i'm laffin an laffin becuz dis cake haz been in da freezer fer many yeerz!

it wuzza gift frum mi bes frend skeezix an hiz grate family!

beleeve it or not ... i fergot mi birfday las yeer ...

but not dis yeer!

i'm havin a drink ...

an goin to da track!

now dat'z wut i call fun!

happee birfday to me!

growin up an gettin smarter ...

2011-02-20T09:05:00.003-05:00

i wuz lookin back at some past postz an realized dat it wuz two yeerz ago dat i left mi howse an went onna walk-abowt dat had everyone wunderin wen i wood finally come home.

it wuz azza rezult uv dat stoopid kitten joba comin in an messin up mi life.

i musta been crazy.

i wooden't leev da howse dis winter.

too disturbingly cold an snowy.

i gess dat meenz i'm growin up.

or maybe dat stoopid kitten izzen't az threttinin az he once wuz.

all i know iz dis...

da bed i'm sleepin on in dis pikshur ... taken jus momentz ago ...

iz far mor cozy dan da grate owtdoorz wen it'z snowin an cold.

i'm jus sayin.

da way i see it

2011-02-19T09:20:00.003-05:00

dis iz ware i sit much uv da time. it'zza grate way to see wut'z goin on in da grate owtdoorz.

an wut iz goin on deez dayz on da island?

da way i see it ... da snow iz meltin an befor long it will be more time spent owtta da howse dan innit.

jus sayin.
...
"in da owtdoorz" hmmmm dat'zza intrestin way uv puttin it.
i will consult mi grammar-coach, sarge charlie. he will set me strate.

anudder poem... by yer frend ... jeter harris (hizself)

2011-02-13T08:24:00.000-05:00

tra la ... tra la ...

an zippity do ...

i hav sumthin to share wid u!

it'z gettin sumwut warmer heer

da grass iz showin an spring iz neer.

an speekin uv spring i'm eksitid to say

pitcherz an catcherz report inna day!

i'm feelin reel good an i'm standin tall...

becuz verree soon mi frendz ...

WE'LL BE PLAYIN BASEBALL!

stuff an udder stuff

2011-02-07T20:49:00.000-05:00

dere iz stuff goin on heer.

dis weekend mi mom re-covered da kitchen chairz.

heer'zza pikshur uv me tryin one owt:

see mi left paw? i made a teeny tiny hole in da seet. duhr.

den mi mom bot sumthing verree eksitin.

heer izza pikshur:

itzza animal. a dyson animal. mi mom asked all her facebook frendz an almos all uv dem sed get one ... so she did.

it haz suckshun.

dat'z wut dey all sed.

da end.

a poem ... by jeter harris, hizself

2011-02-06T01:41:00.001-05:00

i'm gettin sick uv da ice an snow

an today dere wuz sum rain

i'm stayin in da howse u know

but i am goin insane.

i'm tryin noo thingz jus fer fun

to help me throo dis boredum

i drink frum da fawcet wenever i can

an i play wid mi brudder matsui sum.

i sleep wid mi mom an hang by her side

an talk to her wen i feel like it

i watched her cover da chairz today

den i ate her dride flowerz a little bit.

i yell at joba sum uv da time

but i do it jus fer fun.

he gave me a scratch on mi noze today

an tomorrow i think i'll giv him one.

dere ar sum thingz dat make me laff

an i'll tell u one uv doze

mi brudder mickey lifted hiz tail

an peed on mi mom'z clothez.

well dat wuz da mos fun i've had in a wile

an dat'z notta verree good sign

i hav da cold wether blooz, i do

hope yer winter iz better dan mine.

by yer frend--jh

friday nite stuff

2011-01-07T19:53:00.000-05:00

dis izza little owtta focus becuz i wuz sorta moovin ... but i like it. i jus finished a haffa can uv Friskies Ocean Whitefish an Tuna Dinner (classic patay) an it'z mi favrit.

we had sum more snow today ... but not enuff to stick ... an i'm enjoyin da grate owtdoorz again.

we hadda introoder da udder day an it wuz disturbin.
da end.

monday

2011-01-03T07:06:00.000-05:00

today'z tot:

it iz sumtimez grate to drink frum da fawcet.

da end.

ware'z mi h? (an udder stuff)

2011-01-02T07:52:00.000-05:00

sumtin i ave noticed:

mi "h" key duzzen't werk unless i it it reelee ard ...

dis iz disturbin to me becuz it getz in da way uv mi creativ tot ...

i ave to slow down an really tink.

it iz espesully bad becuz, az we all know ...

"h" iz a verree important part uv mi las name.

sum time ago, i wuz havin trubble wid mi "x" an mi "z" an suddenly dey ar workin again ... purhapz dat will appen to mi "h" key soon.

jus sayin.

in udder nooz,

mi brudder mickey sprayed on mi dad'z sportz bag yesturday.

i wuz NOT laffin.

mi dad wuz NOT laffin.

i wunder wut got into im.

an anudder ting ...

mi mom makez a verree delisus sauce an it wuz on da stove da udder day an all uvva sudden she erd a slurpin sownd an dere, rite before er eyez, wuz dat stoopid kitten, joba, enjoyin a taste frum da pot!

2011 iz off to a grate start.

2011

2011-01-01T09:56:00.000-05:00

las nite ...

today.

happee noo yeer!

oh ... an by da way ...

happee noo yeer frum mi squillion, laffin an laffin.

(dat guy lookz da same yeer after yeer ... i wunder wut hiz secret iz.)

goodbye 2010-hello 2011

2010-12-31T00:01:00.002-05:00

happee noo yeer!

yes brudderz an sistahz tonite iz da big nite. i will be kickin back an spendin noo yeerz eev wid mi brudderz (unless sumthin better comez up ... u never know.) i have planz fer a delishus dinner served in mi "king of cats" bowl. den i will toss da nip laced dreidelz arownd fer a while .... den, uv course, i will watch da ball drop in timez skware. it'zza tradishun.

it haz been a intrestin yeer. i hav stayed close to home in spite uv dat stoopid kitten joba. i lost mi brudder whitey ford ... but he watchez over us all evree day. i'm gettin older an wizer an i'mma happee boy.

i send mi luv to u all ... an i send mi prayerz fer peace ... an GOOD HEALTH!

heer'z to a grate 2011!

luv--yer grate frend--jh (hizself)

harharharhar!

2010-12-30T13:42:00.000-05:00

it haz been brot to mi attenshun dat i rote da followin in yesturday's post:

i wunder if dr. landerfeld put hiz teet under her pillow

pleez note dat i rote "teet" insted uv "teeth."

duhr.

to tell u da trooth ... mi mom caught da mistake an laffed an laffed but diden't change it fer me ... jus to make me look silly.

again ... duhr.

anyhoo ... i think it'z funny!

maybe da byootiful dr. landerfeld did, in fact, put mi brudder'z nipple under her pillow.

dat wood be VERY wrong, indeed.

...

i am still in da howse. mi brudderz (incloodin dat kitten joba) all went owtside fer a bit today. i hav been told it'z warmer an sum uv da snow haz melted but, beleev it or not brudderz an sistahz, i prefer to stay inside fer da time bein.

heer are sum pikshurz uv dem owtside:


mi brudder matsui ... hoo iz NOT bein traded to oakland.

mi brudder mickey minus 3 teeth ... but havin all hiz teetz


dat stoopid kitten joba. duhr.

i'll look owtside ... but i'll stay inside ware it'z almost warm

(if mi dad wood let us turn up da heet. jus sayin.)

anudder day in da howse

2010-12-29T08:29:00.001-05:00

haz it been 127 hourz yet?

i meen sumtimez i feel like dat guy aron ... stuck.

i did get owt fer a bit ... trying to get away frum dat stoopid kitten joba ... but da snow iz just too deep an i'm stuck in dis howse.

can u see me tryin to hide in mi brudder mike'z room?

duhr.

an lookit dis ...

someone placed da welcome mat da wrong way!!!!

it wuzza trick to make me feel like i'm owtside insted uv inside.

i'm loozin it i tell u.

...

in udder nooz:

i noticed dat mi brudder mickey iz havin sum trubble eetin hiz soft food.

in spite uv dis ... he kleened hiz plate.

mi mom diden't ask da byootiful an grate dr. landerfeld fer mickey'z ekstraktid teeth ... an thus,

da tooth fairy diden't vizit las nite.

i wunder if dr. landerfeld put hiz teet under her pillow.

dat wood be wrong on many levelz.

jus sayin.

mi brudder az gabby hayez.

2010-12-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

hey mick ...

u look like krap.

how'z yer teeth?

yowzer ... sorry man.

ouch.

da end.

ATTENSHUN!

2010-12-28T09:45:00.001-05:00

UPDATE: mi brudder mickey had three ekstrakshunz. Duhr. Almos toothless.

mi brudder mickey iz now at da office uv da byootiful dr. landerfeld.

da jig iz up an he finally haz to hav dat cleenin an possible ekstrakshun(z) i told u abowt earlier.

duhr.

i feel fer mi brudder.

...

in udder nooz ...

heer'z mi backyard.

i don't know if u can see da red bird on da tree behind mi wall.

it came yesterday an spent sum time jus sittin on da tree laffin an laffin becuz mi brudder matsui cooden't go owtside to eet him.

da end.

mi brudder matsui triez to get owtta da howse

2010-12-27T07:56:00.001-05:00

deez ar mi brudder matsui'z paw printz in da snow. he tride to high-tail it owtta da howse dis mornin but he turned arownd almost az soon az hiz pawz hit da snow!

az fer yerz troolee ...

i'm stayin in, brudderz an sistahz.

lookit wut'z goin on...

it'zza winter wunderland.

wuddya think, funshine state?

winter storm hitz noo york.

2010-12-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

can u see da snow on mi back brudderz an sistahz?

it iz snowin an it'z windy an it'zza stormy nite heer on lon guyland.

i went owt fer sum time ... but i'm not stoopid. i'm inside da howse ware it'z warm an dry.

mi brudderz ar in da howse, too.

even dat stoopid kitten joba iz heer.

heer'zza pikshur fer u folkz in da funshine state:

yes frendz ... winter iz heer!

Merry christmas to all

2010-12-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

An to all a grate nite.. Frum yer frend jeter harris

nobody puts jeter harris in da corner...

2010-12-18T18:07:00.000-05:00

unless ...

yeah ... go ahead ... tern yer back an pretend u diden't back me in da corner, u stoopid kitten.

duhr.

wut'z goin on in dis place?

2010-12-16T06:59:00.000-05:00

maybe dat stoopid kitten got to him before brekfast an spred sum nasty roomerz abowt me ...

or maybe it wuz wen i wuz askin him abowt hiz chopperz or jus commentin on hiz breth ...

but mi brudder mickey went balistik on me dis mornin ...

i meen ...

hiz tail got abowt 10 timez it'z regyoolar big fat size an he wuz growlin at me an chasin me all over da howse.

mi mom had to run down into da basement to brake it up. i wuz backed into a corner an da stoopid kitten joba wuz watchin an jus laffin an laffin ... an mi mom sed:

"Mickey! What the heck!"

an pulled him off me.

duhr.

i'm gettin a complex.

big fite in da backyard

2010-12-15T06:48:00.000-05:00

oh dere wuzza big fite in da backyard dis mornin.

dere wuz skreemin an chasin an... azza big finalee ... dere wuz tumblin over an over ... mancat over stoopid kitten. da snow wuz flyin an so wuz da fur. mi mom wuz poppin a roasted almond in her mowth wen da festivitiez began an she wen racin owt into da bitter cold ... runnin into da snow to try to stop da goinz on.

an she wuz successful in brakin up da fite uv da century!

dat stoopid kitten joba wen hiz way ... an i wen mine.

it wuz grate an we both hav sum warwoondz to show fer it.

mi mom blamed it on ME!

wut da?

she sed I wen after dat stoopid kitten.

but it wuz HE hoo pushed me offa da bed dis mornin ...

an it wuz HE hoo ate da ekstra food ...

an it wuz HE hoo laffed at me wid dat stoopid deep laff uv hiz.

so brudderz an sisahz ... u can take her side uv da story ... but mi side iz dat HE DEZERVED IT!

dat'z mi story an i'm stickin to it.

yer frend ... jeter harris

...

pee ess ... in udder nooz ...

mi brudder mickey missed hiz big date wid da byootiful dr. landerfeld fer hiz tooth kleenin an (possible) ekstrakshunz.

u get to keep all yer chopperz fer anudder week anna half brudder.

jus sayin.

goodbye rocky ...

2010-12-11T13:20:00.000-05:00

it iz widda heavy hart dat i say farewell to one uv da gratez ...

rocky da gutter cat.

i wuz devestated to heer dat he took da trip to da bridge yesturday.

i am seendin mi luv to hiz brudderz tripper an skeez an, yes, even mao an to hiz grate dad, mr. tasty face hizself, an hiz byootiful mom, da food lady.

i hope u hadda grate trip to da bridge, rock. pleez say hi to whitey an kallie an mi bes frend dilly da guinea pig.

u weren't flat ... an u diden't vizit ... but i luved u man.

i'll see u again.

luv--yer frend--jeter harris

me at 4:30 onna sunday mornin

2010-12-05T04:52:00.000-05:00

i am jus tryin to keep da werld safe frum dat stoopid kitten joba.

chanukah

2010-12-04T17:10:00.000-05:00

it'z chanukah brudderz an sistahz.

fer doze uv u hoo don't know wut dat meenz ... heer'z da scoop:

dere wuz dis meen king a long time ago ... an he diden't want da jews to wership az dey pleezed ...

so dis udder guy got sum peepul to join hiz army an after sum time dey defeeted da meen king an took back dere temple an fixed it up. da only problum wuz dat dey diden't hav enuff oil fer da eternal lamp an it wuz gointa go owt befor dey cood get da oil ... but a miracle happened an da lamp stayed lit fer eight nitez an dat'z da story uv chanukah.

so ... we lite candlez fer eight crazy nitez.

peepul eet foodz fried in oil (like potato pancakez called "latkez") an da kidz get giftz or money called "gelt."

dere iz also a game played widda top called a "dreidle."

dis yeer i received sum dreidlez uv mi own.

az u may recall ... i got dreidle'z frum skeez ...

an dey were grate!

but den ... i opened a gift frum raymond an busby an i got ...

anudder amazin dreidle!

life iz grate mi frendz!

an it'z even more fun wid a dreidle in yer pawz!

happy chanukah to all u jewish catz owt dere in da blogosphere!

luv--yer frend--jeter harris

dis stuff iz grate!

2010-11-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

early chanukah gift frum skeezix

fabyoolus!

itzza holiday!

2010-11-21T22:51:00.000-05:00

it'zza holiday brudderz an sistahz!

no ... not thanxgivin ... dat'z thursday ...

it'z da

arrival uv da grate food lady!

an she brot me swag ...

hoo wooda thot dat crunch 'n clean wood make me so happy?

i luv it, mi frendz!

i wuz beggin fer more an more!

(i hope skeez duzzen't see da gift i got him ... i wuz jus tryin it owt!)

i havta tell u, tho ...

i'm in luv wid da food lady.

da end.

(an now i havta figyer owt how to get into her room tonite so i can sleep on her bed. jus sayin')

saturday iz like a holiday ... yes?

2010-11-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

mi sistah debra sed da followin dis mornin:

"Ew Jeter ... You smell."

so i jus wan u to know sistah ...

i do not smell an now i'm goin owtside.

da end.

...

in udder nooz:

joba finally came upstairz after a full day uv hidin frum steel cut Irish Oatmeal. i did, in fact, eet hiz brekfast.

anudder holiday an mi mom iz home

2010-11-11T07:17:00.002-05:00

itz anudder holiday an mi mom iz home ...

dat meenz thingz were sumwut diffrent dis mornin in mi howse.

mi mom slept until 6:00 an it wuz eksitin fer her.

da only cat in da howse wuz dat kitten joba an she sed:

"Come Joba ... I'll feed you first!"

but az she wuz placin hiz plate on da floor, mi sistah debra came runnin down da starez sayin:

"Mom! Will you make me steel cut Irish Oatmeal?"

an dat kitten joba took off like a bat an we haven't seen him since!

duhr.

mickey an i ate owr brekfast ... den matsui ate hiz. mickey thot it wuzza table fer two wen mi mom put matsui'z food down ... so matsui only gotta half a brekfast!

joba never came up fer hiz.

i tride many timez to eet hiz dish dat wuz on da cownter ... but mi mom caught me in da act an finally invited me to leev da kitchen by way uv da door to da backyard.

matsui asked mi mom to remoov a tic frum hiz neck. ticz luv matsui.

joba still diden't come upstairz. mi mom went down to look fer him an he'z well hidden. he must not like steel cut Irish Oatmeal.

an dat iz da mornin in dis howse so far.

i'm ritin dis wile i'm sittin owtside ... waitin fer mi mom to let me in to eet dat kitten joba'z brekfast cuz he'z NEVER comin upstairz at dis rate.

...

mos important ...

it'z veteran'z day an time fer us to think uv da troopz an doze men an women hoo served dis country.

i'm thinking uv sollie an mi bes frend in da werld

sarge charlie

i hope dat u will vizit him today an thank him fer hiz love fer an hiz loyalty to owr country.

halloween

2010-10-31T08:45:00.001-04:00

i'm shoor dis iz wut u hav been waitin fer ...

hoo'z da reel mickey.

izzit dis one?


hansum

or brudderz and sistahz ...

izzit dis one?


wut da?

i wuz laffin an laffin!

it'zza good thing mi mom wuz warin dat name tag.

i never wooda gessed hoo she wuz.

happy halloween evreebuddee!
...
go giantz!

frum yer frend

2010-10-21T19:10:00.000-04:00

wut u hav been waitin fer ...

da latest pikshur uv yerz troolee!

dis wuz takin jus after i enjoyed sum vanilla ice creem durin da yankee game.

wuzzen't dis werth da wait?!

...

in udder nooz ...

i'm a little disterbed dat mi mom haz been werkin on her costyoom fer halloween ... an it'z not me.

az u may or mayen't know ...

mi mom will be dressin up az mi brudder mickey.

she'z havin sum trubble wid da noze an wiskerz part uv her get-up.

she asked fer sum help on facebook ... but she still duzzen't hav da noze an wiskerz part uv her costyoom.

if u or yerz haz any idearz fer da noze an wiskerz ... pleez lemme know an i will tell mi mom.

yer frend--jh

go yankz!

it'z me again!

2010-10-12T17:31:00.000-04:00

i still like to nap on da barb-e-kyoo.

...

no noo pikshurz yet ... but jus giv mi mom a chance.

speekin uv mi mom,

gess wut she'z gointa be fer halloween.

no ... not me ...

she'z gointa be

mi brudder mickey.

she sez it will be eezee to be mi brudder becuz he'z all wite.

an her frend iz gointa be her d-o-g

milo!

i can't wate to see dis one, frendz.

it shood be intrestin.

stay tooned fer pikshurz.

i am back

2010-10-11T11:40:00.000-04:00

deer brudderz an sistahz,

i am back.

i hav been takin a brake frum bloggin ... but i wan u to know dat i'm az grate az ever.

mi brudder mickey made a remarkubal come back an he'z like a kitten now.

speekin uv kittenz ... dat kitten joba iz still annoyin ... but sumtimez we do talk a bit ... sumtimez abowt da wether ... sumtimez abowt da food ... sumtimez abowt yankee pitchin.

i still don't like him ... an he'z still stoopid.

matsui brot mi mom a big, byootiful bloo jay after her walk.

she wuz touched.

an den she asked mi dad to pleez bury da poor bird.

i'm still havin sum fun in da grate owtdoorz. da wether iz nice (not too hot, not too cold.) it'z grate to jus run arownd an hav sum fun ... laffin an laffin at da jeter bird an talkin to mi brudderz.

i wuz happy wen mi mom got back frum da grate state uv california. i lissened to her tell me storiez uv skeez an max an da diva kitty ... even tho she diden't see any uv dem. she did see dere momz an dadz ... an i gess dat'z good enuff.

mi mom did getta noo camera, so i know dat at sum point she will be takin disturbin pikshurz uv yerz troolee.

more uv dat later.

da end... fer now.

one mor thing abowt mi brudder ...

2010-08-29T13:38:00.000-04:00

terra an mi brudder

he get'z da girlz!

i wuz sittin in da backyard an all i herd wuz gigglin an stuff comin frum da frunt! i made mi way over to see wut wuz goin on an dere wuz mi brudder mickey ... havin sum snackz wid a byootiful girl named terra!

mick an terra ... wutta cupple!

wen he'z sittin on da frunt stepz millionz uv peepul stop to talk to him ... an sumtimez ... he getz temptashunz!

(maybe i shood start gettin frendlier.

jus sayin.)

fettle? (an udder stuff)

2010-08-27T08:49:00.000-04:00

it musta been da baby or sweet pea frum katnip lounge (which, by da way, iz sumplace i wood like to vizit) dat asked abowt da werd "fettle." so dis iz wut i came up wid:

it'z like da pot callin da fettle black

dis izza fine fettle uv fish

i hope dat helpz.

in udder nooz ... jan, frum da funny farm (anudder place i wood like to vizit ... altho mi mom sez we liv on da funny farm) sez blogger duzzen't unnerstand "jeterspeek."
well ... all i can say to dat iz ...
duhr!
blogger izzen't az smart az mi frendz. dat'z all i can say.
...
i wanna thank u fer da luv u showed me an mi family wile we were so wurried abowt mi brudder mickey. he reelee bownced back so fast it'z amazin! mi mom wuz lookin at hiz gumz today (u know ... da gumz in hiz mowth ...) an she sed dey ar pink (dey were yellow on monday!) an he haz more enerjy dan he had before he got sick.
dr. landefeld izza miracle werker!

da return uv mi brudder mickey...good az noo! (fer sweetie ... mi brudder iz takin doxycycline capsulez an water chaserz 2 timez a day!)

2010-08-26T18:45:00.001-04:00

well well well ... lookit hooz home an lookin better dan ever!

it'z mi brudder mickey.

an wen i say better dan ever ... i meen it!

he'z talkin an eetin an havin fun.

he wanned to go rite to hiz spot neer da welcome mat in da frunt uv da howse!

hiz blood cownt went up frum 10.4 to 23 an dr. l sed "that's great!"

mi mom kept sayin "I love you ... you did great!"

an heer he iz relaxin in hiz favrit spot!

welcome home mi brudder.

...

an wid regard to da baby sisfur ....

nooooooooooooo!

hello brudder ...

2010-08-25T21:06:00.000-04:00

mi mom took a walk today to see mi brudder ...

an heer he iz brudderz an sistahz ...

it'z mickey mantle livin inna fancy hotel room in da feline veterinary hospital. az soon az mi mom walked in she herd him yappin away ... askin fer food.

he'z az hansum az ever, yes? he'z still yellow arownd da edjez ... but he'z gettin better. after mi mom held him an made such a big deel over him ... he started to get tired an asked her to put him back in hiz "room."

an before he took hiz nap ... he had sum nice dry food to eet.

da end ...

not reelee ...

mi sistah debra fownd her way upstarez to da kittenz an wuz wantin to take one home.

an to dat i say:

argggghhhhhhhh!

no way!

da end!

hemobartonellosis

2010-08-24T17:41:00.000-04:00

frendz,

it seemz dat mi brudder haz sumthin called hemobartonellosis, a blood parasite dat iz transmittid by a FLEA! duhr.

'kaika'z mom knew rite away.

anyhoo ... he iz improovin an won't need blood transfyooshunz ... but dr. landerfeld (da grate an byootiful) sed we hav to treet him like da thousand yeer old man ... dat meenz no roof climbin!

he'z stayin at da classy feline veterinary hospital (da one wid da grate accomodashunz) fer one more nite ... den it will be a fabyoolus home comin fer mi brudder.

thank u again ...

da end.

pee ess--i jus had werdz wid dat stoopid kitten joba. an, in udder nooz, matsui brot mi mom a big fat rat ... anna smallish rat ... to make her feel better. wutta guy.

jus sayin.

a mickey mantle update

2010-08-24T13:56:00.002-04:00

mi mom jus got off da fone wid jeanie hoo wanned to report dat mi brudder mickey wuz yellin at her dis mornin wen she wuz doin feedin time at da feline veterinary hospital. she sed he ate all hiz food frum las nite an today an he "yerinatid" or sumthin. da byootiful dr. landerfeld, herself, will be callin later, but fer now i'm feelin good abowt mi brudder. thank u fer all yer purrz an purrayerz...anna speshul thank u to cal an all hiz angelz (an i hope mi brudder whitey ford got off hiz duff an joined dem...wuttza "duff?")
i will keep u up to date.
luv--yer frend--jh

mi brudder mickey

2010-08-24T09:56:00.000-04:00

deer brudderz an sistahz,
i rite dis to u widda heavy hart. mi brudder mickey mantle iz wid dr. landerfeld hoo is tryin to help him feel better.
wen mi mom an dad got back frum vakashun, dey fownd mi brudder letharjik an sumwut yellow! He haz been takin medz fer hyperthyroid ... but dr. l thinkz dis iz unrelatid.
so he haz sumthin rong wid hiz liver an hiz spleen. (both verry tasty i hav been told.)
he is takin antibiotix an iz gettin fluidz. he slept wid lottsa towelz and a heetin pad at dr. landerfeld'z las nite. mi mom told me da accomodashunz ar furst class!
dis iz sumwut hard fer us...so i hav been givin mi mom lottsa luvin durin dis stressful time.
thank u fer yer purrz an purrayerz.
yer da bes frendz!
yerz--jh

that'z wut i'm talkin abowt on thursday

2010-08-05T11:23:00.001-04:00

well ... well ... well ... will u look hoo'z heer in da big apple.

it'z flat skeez!

he flew in early dis mornin so now he'z takin a nap ... but before he wen in da gest room he stopped to take a pikshur widda wooden cat.

he lookz good in hiz a-rod battin helmit, duzzen't he?

to be continyood.
(oh ... da food lady, herself, iz nappin wid flat skeez az we speek!)

an in da end, nobuddee wuz hert (eksept da vermin)

2010-08-04T06:57:00.000-04:00

aw ... lookit dat brudder.

matsui iz so floofy an sweet.

an hiz voice... he haz da meow uvva angel.

but don't be fooled brudderz an sistahz.

matsui iz da gratest hunter in dis howse.

i hav seen him hunt down thingz dat ar almos hiz size.

reelee.

so las nite, wen mi mom wen owtside on da pa-tee-o, i wuz laffin an laffin wen she fownd matsui'z latest gift to her.

da vermin wuz abowt da size uvva small cow.

mi mom duzzen't screem or anythin ...

but wen mi dad came home she sed da followin:

"I took care of the last one, Ronnie. This one is for you ... and pullllleeeeese take care of it NOW!"

he diden't.

after dinner, da rat wuz still on da pa-tee-o an mi dad wuz downstarez cryin abowt da yankeez an how he won't be able to reed da sportzpage.

mi mom called downstarez sayin da followin:

"Ronnie ... the rat is still there. You promised. I don't want to see it tomorrow!"

"yeah, yeah." sed mi dad. an i wuz laffin, thinkin "he won't do it!"

but he did ... an da vermin iz gone dis mornin.

so today i selebrate mi dad hoo iz good fer hiz werd.

an i applawed mi brudder ... da gratest hunter in da werld.

an i thank him fer givin me hourz uv enjoyment.

sined,

yer frend,

jeter harris

later dat day ...

2010-07-29T18:36:00.001-04:00

frum dis vantidge point ...

da pa-tee-o lookz like crap.

oh man ...

da food lady iz gointa havva field day wid dis one!

thingz ar lookin cleen on thursday

2010-07-29T11:23:00.001-04:00

will u look at dis grout!

why ... it'z az cleen an sparklin az daisy'z.

kevin frum sir grout musta been heer!

it'z jus in time fer a vizit frum da food lady ...

u know ... da one hoo inspectz mi floor.

joba better be wipin hiz pawz befor walkin on dis thing uv byooty!
(da floor not da food lady ... duhr.)

fer ab

2010-07-28T11:57:00.001-04:00

wile mi mom wuz on her walk today, i wuz home thinkin abowt sumthin.

i wuz thinkin abowt ritin a poem.

dis poem is fer auntie bee but yer welcome to reed it.

yesturday auntie bee bot sum purple pantz ... i thot it wood be funny to tell her i bot purple pantz, too ... so dis iz abowt da purple pantz:

purple pantz

auntie bee, dere'z not a chance

dat i wood ware sum purple pantz.

u know dat i do not ware clothez ...

so i won't ware a pair uv doze.

mi name'z not daisy an not skeezy

so mi anser iz sumwut easy ...

i won't ware pantz not red or blu

not even purple ... not fer u.

but u can ware dem, an i bet

yer da mos byootiful in dem yet.

but i wood laff an do a dance ...

if i saw joba in purple pantz.

da end.

by jeter harris, hizself

mi brudder matsui

2010-07-27T21:51:00.000-04:00

look verree carefullee at dis pikshur.

dat'z mi brudder matsui ... an dat'z hiz big, fluffee tail.

dat'z yerz troolee to da left uv mi brudder. notice, pleez, how matsui'z tail iz draped over mi back.

duhr.

he duz dis all da time, bless hiz hart.

it'z disturbin.

da end.

...

in udder nooz, speekin uv matsui, he wuz onna walkabowt until tonite. mi mom wuz wurried. not me, tho. i knew he'd be home.

how did i know?

becuz he wantz to continyoo to disturb me wid dat stoopid tail over mi back trick dat he duz.

jus sayin.

i'm reddee fer mi close-up mr. demille

2010-07-26T09:26:00.001-04:00

it'zza byootiful day in dis nayberhood ... so mi mom wuz runnin arownd wid her camera ... an i sed "wut da heck" an let her get a shot or two uv mi hansumness. (we don't know how much longer i'll havva scar-free face. u know how i like to get a scratch or two!)

wut abowt dis one? i think it capsherz mi sensitiv side.

but mi favrit iz dis one ...

i sorta hav dat clark gable kinda swagger ...
...
in udder nooz:
i think da reezun why i don't like dat kitten joba iz dat mi meow iz higher dan hiz. he haz a verree deep an mascyoolin meow an it disturbz me.
he'z sorta da orson welles to mi tom cruise.
jus sayin.

will wunderz never seece?

2010-07-25T16:57:00.000-04:00

dat kitten joba jus rubbed up against me.

we were both so surprized ... we jus stood dere.

den he sed: "sorry" an mooved on.

duhr.

i diden't even growl at him.

wut'z goin on heer?

it'z not da heet, it'z da hyoomidity

2010-07-23T18:59:00.001-04:00

arrrgggghhhhh!

it'z so muggy!

i meen it'z only 86 degreez ... but da hyoomidity makez it feel like 110!

an i jus can't find da rite spot fer miself!

wut'z dat matsui?

dat pozishun makez u feel cooler?

i'll try it.

yessiree bruddez an sistahz!

matsui iz rite!

sumtimez da kidz hav all da anserz!

da winner uv da yankeez toaster ...

2010-07-21T23:02:00.000-04:00

sum time ago, u may or mayen't remember dat i hadda drawin fer a yankeez toaster. it wuz $5 a chance an da proceedz went to susan g. komen fer da cure in support uv mi mom hooz's doin a 60 mile walk in 3 dayz.

dere were many entreez ... but only one cood win.

mi sistah pulled da winnin ticket ... but lotzza stuff happened an i wuzzen't able to get a pikishur uv da lucky winner wid her toaster.

today i got mi pikshur an heer it iz:

dat'z rite brudderz an sistahz. da winner izza D-O-G!

da d-o-g'z name iz roxie ... an she'zza byooty!

so congratyoolashunz roxie an i hope u like yer toast widda big NY in da middle

later dat day ...

2010-07-19T18:00:00.000-04:00

do u know hoo dis yankees fan iz, brudderz an sistahz?

no ... it'z not me, jeter harris, hizself.

it'z ikaika mi furst frend on da catster an one uv mi bes frendz in da werld!

altho 'kaika duz NOT havva blog (duhr mrs. 'kaika!) ... he makez hiz way arownd da blogosphere an iz espeshulee grate in findin "chey" all da time!

well frendz ... today iz 'kaika'z birfday ... so pleez say a harty "happee birfday to u ikaika williams!"

an lemme be da furst to do dat:

happee birfday to u ikaika williams!

a secret ... anna sad farewell

2010-07-19T06:27:00.001-04:00

dis mornin i invitid mi nayber "colorz" over fer a drink. we hav been nayberz fer sum time an he'zza plezent sort uv guy.

anyhoo ... i havva secret dat i'm gointa tell u ... becuz i know i can trust u.

"colorz" name izzen't colorz at all.

hiz name iz "marijuana."

da kidz in hiz howse named him dat ... but diden't tell dere parentz ...

dat'z da secret.

i'll try to come up wid sumthin better nex time.

da end.

...

i am verree sad to report dat da byootiful mercedes (mercy), sistah uv mi bes frend reebok da grate, wuz helped to da bridge. i know dat dis wuz verree difficult fer reeb, nike, an da rest uv hiz familee. reeb, if yer reedin dis, i luv u an yer mom, jan. i hope dat mercy meetz mi brudder whitey hoo iz waitin fer her... i heer dat at da bridge evree cat becomez a kitten an iz healthy an happy! i know dat'z da trooth.

Wut da?

2010-07-15T20:41:00.001-04:00

brudderz an sistahz ... wile i'm tryin to relax in da backyard ... mi mom iz owt an abowt vizitin wid her frend... an look wut she brot me ...

pikshurz uv ...

da werld famus raypod hizself ... and

hiz byootiful sistah, mochy. vavava voom!

an lookit doze eerz! da better to heer u wid!

mi mom reeked uv udder cat ... but it'z ok becuz dey are da gratest!

(an yes, mouse an coco were dere, too, but sadly ... no pikshurz! nex time!)

wut'z today? wednesday? one werd ...

2010-07-14T07:48:00.001-04:00

upsidedown

...

iz dat jus one werd? i dunno. it lookz a little long.

i wuz relaxin in da chair wen mi mom started takin pikshurz ... an i wuzzen't budgin brudderz an sistahz. den ... she standz over me an sez:

"Puppy ... look here!"

duhr! she tricked me!

well, i havta say ... da rezultz ar astonishin.

doncha think?

i'm jus sayin.

fer sarge (dis post iz "x-rated" an not fer young children)

2010-07-11T23:21:00.000-04:00

da mos eksitin thing abowt mi ballz ... iz dat u can remoov da fether topz. now ... wen u rmoov da fether topz frum da ballz ... yer left wid dis.

sarge, sir. duz dis remind u uv anythin?

jus wunderin.

brudderz an sistahz ... it'zza toy. pleez don't be offended.

...

in udder nooz ... mi mom an dad left us to go to a place on da very tip uv lon guyland called "montauk." now i don't wanna say anythin ... but dey came home smellin a little weird.

cood it be becuz dey were spendin dere time wid dis?

intrestin.