sumthin funnee at 12:22 am onna tuesday

heer'z sumthin funnee!

dis flat cat haz too much junk in da trunk an he can't stand up by hizself!

u know wut dat makez me wanna do ...

da yankeez win ... daaaaa yankeez win!

well brudderz an sistahz ... da yankeez did sumthin called "clinch!" an dat meenz dey wun da american leeg east.

dis iz verree eksitin fer me so i decided to selubrate wid sum temptashunz.

notice how i can open da bag miself.

an heer is da way mi teem selubrated ...

dey jumped all over eech udder like a lotta catz!

i wuz laffin an laffin.

an if u wanna reed abowt it ... u can reed abowt it heer!

NOT DA END!

reflekshunz onna sunday

this mornin i wuz reflektin on sum uv da stuff i hav to put up wid arownd heer ...

dis fer instance ... an, uv course ... dis ...

duhr.

why do i put up wid deez annoyancez?
***

in udder nooz

mi brudderz mickey an matsui both came in thru da bafroom window dis morning an ...

mi brudder whitey hazzen't peed on anythin owtside uv da litterbox yet today.

but ... az it haz been sed ... da day iz young.

flat cat an frend friday

heer'z sarge charlie an flat jeter uv florida.

da ole' sarge had chemo yesturday ... an hiz flat son went wid him.

notice hiz flat son izza nurse.

notice hiz flat son iz in focus.

jus sayin.

pleeze run over to sarge'z blog an wish him well.

(don't wurry. he'z not talkin politikz today ... yet.)

flat jeter 101 ...timez runnin owt

mi mom iz rushin to get da flat jeter made fer her trip to san francisco.

dis iz da pikshur she choze to "blow up owtta proporshun."

duhr.

it'z owtta focus ...

it mite jus havta do ...

it will be disturbin fer me, tho.
(i feer dat i will not be az hansum az da udder flatsterz.)

dat thing

u know dat thing i had on mi chin?

well ... it jus came off tonite.

jus like dat.

heer it iz in mi mom'z hand.

duhr.

go figyer.

da end.

wuddya think?

now heer'z sumthin uv intrest fer u.

it'zza pikshur uv me dat mi mom took.

i wuz lyin on da kitchen tabul an mi mom wuz lyin on da floor shootin up.

no ... no ... takin a pikshur pointin up at me ... duhr.

anyhoo ...

dis iz da reezult.

not in da flat jeter competishun.

wut she wuz tryin to show iz da boo-boo under mi chin.

maybe u can see it in da nex shot.

wuddya think?

i'm not goin to da grate dr. landefeld over dis one.

wut abowt dis one?

tryin to get da purfect flat jeter shot

well brudderz an sistahz ... mi mom will be takin da big walk in less dan two weekz an i hav to get ready by pozin fer da purfect flat jeter shot. dat iz da only way dat i will be travelin to san francisco ... an meetin mi famus frendz.

so today i allowed mi mom to follow me arownd wid da coolpix... an heer iz wut she got.

in dis shot, i wuz sorta lookin at mi sistah sashi hoo wuz tryin to get me to look up by temptin me wid temptashunz ...

i like dis one becuz i wuz lissenin to da jeter bird ...

i dunno abowt dis one ... i wuz tryin mi bes

i think i look kinda dashin in dis one ...

altho dis one wuz da bes ... lookit mi eyez ... duhr.

***

wuddya think?

to be continyood ...

not da end.

allerjik

i hav to tell u abowt las nite. it wuz grate.

mi mom had 11 peepul heer fer dinner. mi brudderz an i were asked to eet "al fresco" becuz one uv da peepul iz sumthin called allerjik. so we all ate in da grate owtdoorz an ran arownd an it wuz ok. da disappointin thing iz dat we diden't get any uv da turkey or stuff ... oh well. anyhoo ... all uvva sudden ... da allerjik ladey started to coff an sneez an da nex thing u know ... she wuz owtside in da grate owtdoorz wid da 5 uv us!!! i herd her sayin sumthin abowt how sick she wuz to anudder ladey hoo sed da followin:

"If I touch a cat my eyes will swell shut."

dey diden't know it but i wuz hidin in da bushez lissenin to dem talk an coff an sneez an blow dere nozez. all dis after dey ate all da turkey!

well no one died or anythin ... but dey sorta left early.

i wuz laffin an laffin.

da end.

laffin an laffin

well brudderz an sistahz ... yesterday wuzza knee slapper accordin to auntie bee. i wuz lissenin to da way mi frendz laff an came up wid da followin:

*

lizzie, caitie, an nicky laff dis way: giggle snort snort

*

derby laffz like dis: he he he

*

mi laff iz da same az tripper, rusty, cyndi, crystal, cameron, cotton, percy, merci, buddy, samaritan (an jan), sammy, miles, an billy, eric an flynn ... harharhar

*

pablo laffz dis way: hahahahaha

*

parker hazza little girly laff: hee hee

*

junior an orion MOLz

*

auntie bee hazza belly laff dat goez like dis: ah ha ha ha ha

*

but mi favrit is max hoo laffz like dis: Ahhhhhh HAHAHAHAHAHA

*

some little blurpz don't havva sense uv hyoomer yet ... but she'z only a kid.

da tuesday harharhar

a squillion anna pig walk into a bar.

dey both havva cuppolla sasparillaz.

wen dey get up to leev da pig fallz over an passez owt.

da squillion openz da door abowt to leev wen da bartender stopz him an sez da followin:

"Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!"

da squillion ternz arownd and slurz, "don't be sillee, dat'z notta lion, dat'z a pig!"

harharhar!

dat'z fer u pablo!

wutta grate joke

a pig anna squillion

well lookit dis brudderz an sistahz.

mi mom brot dis pig wid wingz home frum provincetown an mi squillion, laffin an laffin, luvz it.

i think dis iz wut dey meen wen dey say "wen pigz fly."

....

dere haz been sum eksitement in noo york becuz mi grate namesake, derek jeter tied lou gehrig fer da mos hitz azza yankee ... an den, on friday nite, he got even more hitz. i'm prowd to be named fer da fabyoolus yankee captain.

life'z grate wen yer derek jeter.

life'z grate wen yer jeter harris.

jus sayin.

little flatster getzza kleen bill uv helth

well ... lookit dis flat cat gettin a kleen bill uv helth.

if u wanna reed more abowt it vizit auntie bee heer! an wile yer dere don't ferget to send a messaj to mi bes frend sarge charlie!

eksplanashun

it wuzzen't fare fer me to say "sad" widowt a eksplanashun.

yes i'm sad becuz mi mom iz back at werk ... but she comez home to me.

an i'm sad becuz mi bes frend sarge charlie iz under da wether ... but i jus know he will get better! i jus know it.

but i'm sad fer mi mom becuz dis week she los 2 frendz an dey will not be comin back. i knew dem an dey were reelee grate peepul. i will miss dem.

an i will be happee becuz i will remember dem an how wunnerful dey were.

sumtimez life izzen't dat grate.

but it will get better.

i promis.

one werd wednesday

sad

labor day iz hard werk

first ... a promis izza promis an heer iz da rodint dat wuz in mi backyard.

dis izza appropriate pikshur fer labor day becuz sumcat werked verree hard to bring dis to mi mom.

an speekin uv hard werk ...

heer izza cow dat mi mom saw wile she wuz on her walkabowt yesturday.

someone werked verree hard to put pinstripez on dis cow.

mi mom an i know dat it'z warin yankee pinstripez ... but da cap lookz like da metz ... so we're sumwut confyoozed.

an so brudderz an sistahz ... it'z labor day an da summer uv fun wid mi mom iz over fer anudder yeer. tomorrow she goez back to da skool an i go back to mi daily rooteen widowt her.

i know i shooden't complane but ...
duhr.

da sunday seagull

i wanned to show u da pikshur uv da ded rodent in mi backyard ... but i fownd dis pikshur insted.

wut da heck iz dis bird doin on mi compyooter?

duhr.

i gess he'zza leftover frum mi mom'z vizit to provincetown.

she tol me hiz name iz "chester seagull"

she also tol me dat he bit mi dad'z toe.

harharhar!

i wanna thank u fer all yer positiv commentz fer mi grate frend sarge charlie. dat little flat jeter uv hiz haz been havin chemo rite along wid him.
pleez click on da pikshur uv sarge an flat jh on the sidebar evree day an send him good wishez. thank u.

purrz fer sarge charlie an auntie bee

brudderz an sistahz

mi grate frend sarge charlie iz in da beginnin uv a grate battle ...

now he mite not be a cat ... but i'm askin mi feline frendz to keep him (an hiz byootiful wife auntie bee) in yer thotz an purrayerz.

he'z a big time soldier an he'z owt to win da war ...

but i think he cood yooz sum uv owr troopz to help him get dere!

sarge likez to reed up on wut i'm doin ... i know he'll reed yer commentz ... so pleez leev sum!

heer'z sarge an auntie bee at mi gram'z howse in july. see flat jeter? he'z dere cat!

(maybe sarge will become a democat if u show him enuff support!!! wut duz "wen pigz fly" meen?)

a post card fer mi brudder mike

yesturday mi brudder mike got sum mail.

it wuzza post card.

he wuz jumpin up an down becuz it wuzzen't a bill.

da back uv da post card sed da followin: (feel free to biggify)

it also sed "p.s. he needs lots of toona joose too"

(i think he wuz missin sum punkchooashun, but dat'z anudder story.)

mi brudder wuz wunderin:

"Who sent me this?"

(he musta had sum trubbel reedin da signicher)

den he turned da card over an saw da followin:

he wuz laffin an laffin!
...

brudderz an sistahz ...

life'z grate wen u hav frendz hoo care fer u.

jus sayin.

mi brudder whitey

mi brudder whitey climbed da tree tonite.

i wuz watchin.

fer yer infermashun, mi mom werked verree hard to take hiz smellz owtta da basement ...

den ... like it wuz nuthin ... he walked downstairz to smell up da joint again!

mi mom wuz rite behind him, tho, an escortid him rite over to da litter box.

he stood dere a while, den he went in da box.

mi mom treeted him like a baby kitten ... makin a reel big deel abowt it.

i think he climbed dis tree becuz he wuzza little embarrassed dat he has to lern how to yooz da litter box all over again.

i like him ok.

da end.