da joke jon made up

mi noo frend jon told me da followin joke an i wuz laffin an laffin:

wut happenz wen a cow jumpz over a barbed wire fence?

u get a udder dizaster..

way-da-minit ...

wut'zza "udder?"

gettin close

april 3rd brudderz an sistahz ...

eggzubishun game!

i'll be kickin back an watchin da yankeez!

i can't wate.

(dis pikshur wuz taken las seezon)

mi mom spoke to auntie bee an sarge charlie yesturday.

she sez dat sarge sowndz like a reel southern gentleman ... an ab sowndz like a southern bell.

bell? wut?

it'z not crap ... honest

brudderz an sistahz.

sum uv u mite know dat mi mom hadta go to da funshine state to be wid mi gram after she fell an broke her hip.

well ... she iz still dere until monday ... but i saw dat mi grate an hansum frend grover sent me dis award ... an i cooden't wate to post it!

it'z da "honest crap" award. i hav been wantin it fer a long time.

an heer ar da roolz:

“When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to said person so everyone knows who he or she is.Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including ones who have no idea who you are because you don’t have 7 friends.

Show the 7 random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.List at least ten honest things about yourself, as well as an Honest Photo...Then, pass it on! “

1--i wuz born inna parkin lot an mi dad rescyood me. mi mom thretened to leeve if he brot anudder cat home. she diden't leeve.

2--i luv da grate owtdoorz (duhr)

3--mi middle name iz "fred"

4--i am notta pyoorbreed

5--i reelee, reelee hate dat kitten joba ... reelee. i don't know why. i diden't hate matsui wen he came in da howse. i jus hate dat kitten joba.

6--i still take walkabowtz ... but i come home evree day an spend time under mi brudder mike'z bed

7--i reelee don't havva middle name

8--i hav never met mi bes frend reebok da grate ... or mi grate an fabyoolus frend 'kaika ... or auntie bee (hoo iz not reelee mi auntie.) furthermore ... i am notta sarge ... i jus pretend to be one on mi blog

9--i ware da same wite sockz evree day ... i never chanje dem

10--i havva high voice. dat'z da trooth.
(wut? honest "scrap?" oh.)

da problum iz dat mi mom wood help me wid da 7 frendz but becuz she'z not heer i can't do it miself ... so ... i'll find 7 frendz wen she getz home.

a cat walkz into a bar ....

a cat walkz into a bar widda slab of asfalt under hiz arm an sez, "a beer pleez, an one fer da rode."

heh! heh! heh!

mi grate an fabyoolus frendz chey an black cat asked if dere wuzza winner in da

resint auction ... in which i wuz auctionin dat kitten joba fer charity ... widda openin bid uv $1.

da rezultz ar az followz:

*piggy an grover'z mom bid $1 ... but den grover sed "no way jose" an offered piggy fer 50 centz.

*skeez offered a trade ... tripper.

*g + g bid $2 fer me to keep him

*mao sed da followin: "I'll see you one Tripper and raze yoo a Rocky."

an finally ...

*LL offered one maxie anna noo dog.

all in all ... a disappointin auction.

duhr.

a award

i received sum awardz ...

thank u to doze uv u hoo were so thotful.

heer iz a award i wuz prezented by mi grate an fabyoolus dawg titus.

titus sed to "use the award to send some happiness to a special friend."

he also sed dat it wuz fer "woofies that are good friends and protect us all."

i wood like to pass dis on to mi grate frend sarge charlie.

now brudderz an sistahz ... if u know sarge ... he'z not a woofie! holy krap! he'z a bean!
but ... he iz da one i wood go to fer protekshun ... widowt a doubt!
sarge an i don't alwayz agree on politikz ... after all ... he'z a republicman an i'mma democat. but i respect an admire him becuz he'z pashunit abowt dis country an he wood do anythin to protekt our freedom!
sarge rote many postz abowt hiz life. i sugjest u take sum time to reed sum uv hiz postz.
so ... dis golden award goez to u, sarge, sir.
(i can't see all uv da bunniez ... but i think dere mite be 21 ... an dat meenz i wood be givin u a 21 bun saloot!)

luv--yer frend--sarge jeter harris

pee ess ... in yer commentz ... pleez saloot mi frend.

thank u.

lookit!

update on da joba raffle!

so far i havva bid uv one tripper ... an a bid of $2 to keep him/

duhr.

if i consentrate reel hard ...

i can touch mi noze wid mi tongue.

ta da!

i am da grate jeter harris.

thank u.

if tweety bird wuzzen't enuff fer u today ...

mi grate frend halloween da cat got in touch wid mi mom an sugjested da followin:

Maybe Jeter would like to raffle Joba off in order to make a donation to your walk!

do i heer $1?

an, if u haven't had da chance to vizit mi mom'z eksitin blog ... giv it a click heer!

u will be glad u did!

happee birfday tweety bird ...

well brudderz an sistahz ...

mi grate unkel jim told me dat tweety bird iz turnin 60 yeerz old dis week.

i wuz verree eksited to heer dis.

an he sent me a pikshur uv tweety bird az he lookz today.

harharhar!

happee birfday tweety!
frum yer frend--jh

five werd wednesday

skeezy swag--it'z not krap!

da tuesday harharhar!

i wuz havin mi mornin repast at skeezix mcCat'z pub dis "top-o'-da-mornin" wen da followin joke came to mi mind...

a polar bare, a jiraffe, a pengwin, anna cat walk into a bar.

da bartender sez, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

happee st. paddy'z day ...

frum yer grate frend

o'jeter mcHarris

ware i spent da day yesturday

dat'z rite brudderz an sistahz ...

i wuz under mi brudder mike'z bed all day an into da nite.

i like it dere.

it smellz kinda funky.

da end.

Skeezix McCat's Pub: Happy 4th Blogaversary to ME!

(dat'z happee 4th blogaversary to skeezy ... not me!)

well brudderz an sistahz ... click on da link an heer wut skeez reelee sowndz like. let da blogaversary gamez begin ... an

happee blogaversary to skeezix mcCat!

we luv u man!

Skeezix McCat's Pub: Happy 4th Blogaversary to ME!

a saturday confeshun

brudderz an sistahz.

i am mad at mi mom.

i can't help it.

i think it'z becuz uv dat kitten joba.

lookit da look in mi eye. i'm mad.

an i'm not tryin on mi brudder mike'z shoez. i'm just tryin to get away frum mi mom.

dis iz mi grate frend piggy pleez purr fer him az he had sum testz dis week dat he hazta pass.

thank u.

one kweschun wednesday

i jus hav one kweschun ...

wen will da 3rd eyelidz go away?

dey ar beginnin to freek me owt. duhr.
furst ... i wood like to thank mi grate an fabyoolus frend 'kaika fer all dat reserch.

now i wood like to say ... i am not sympathetic to dat kitten joba an any uv hiz systemz at all ... an az fer "hawz" ... i am more into "harz" ... an sumtimez, auntie bee, i think dat da grate sarge charlie hizself duz hav da hawhawhawz.

sumthin funny on tuesday

a cat walkz into a bar widda newt inna fishbowl

da barkeep sez: "What do you call that thing?"

da cat sez: "i call him 'tiny' ... becuz he'z mi newt.

get it? mi newt?

harharhar!

enterin da howse

dis mornin, i came in thru da bafroom window ...

rite behind ...

mi brudder mickey ...

but not behind ...

mi squillion laffin an laffin.*

he came in thru da frunt door.

*dis izza old pikshur uv mi squillion ... at one time he did try to come in thru da bafroom window. he haz not had cozmetic serjery ... he still warez hiz hello kitty bandaid over hiz scar.

warning

yuck ... pleez do not lookit mi dirty pawz in da next post. duhr.

home sweet ... PREZINTZ!!!!! woo hoo!!!!!

ok ... so i wuz onna walkabowt ... mi brudder mickey alwayz hazta tell!

but i came home dis mornin wen i herd dere were a fyoo grate prezintz fer me!!

look at dis one frum mi bes frend reebok da grate!

it'z called a "leopard's den kitty teaser"

i luv it.

not only duz it hav ballz dat i can't get owt ... but it also haz sum verree fabyoolus catnip animulz in da holez ... dat i can get owt ... an enjoy!

dis pikshur iz not da grate shot dat i wanned to show u ... but i hav sumthin called "low disk space" an i can't get all mi pikshurz ... duhr.)

wut'z dis?

"lick me bite me bunnykick me?"

ok!

wut fabyoolus fun fer me frum mi grate frend an yerz skeezix da cat!!!
dis wunnerful catnip hart came widda cigar (dat i'm savin fer dat speshul moment wen da yankeez take da feeld on openin day) anna packij uv "yeowww catnip" dat i can't wate to get mi pawz on.

finallee dere wuzza wunnerful calendar frum da siamese cat rescue center. i opened it to dat march paje ... an lookit da name uv da feechured cat ...

harharhar! it'z mickey!

i think i mite jus go to da "siamese cat rescue center at va.siameserescue.org miself to do a little reeserch ... an maybe make a little donashun.

i'm jus dat kinda guy.

i luv mi frendz ... all uv dem ... all uv u!

life'z grate!

And now a word from Mickey Mantle

Hello friends.

It's me ... Mickey Mantle ... brother of Jeter Harris.

I'm looking out the window to try to catch a glimpse of the great JH himself.

He heard about the worm medicine and ran out as fast as he could.

So ... I guess you would say ... he's on another "walk about."

I know he'll be back ... he just likes to "bust chops" so to speak.

I think he has been leaving a few messages on friends' blogs from his other location. I'll keep you informed.

In the meantime ... I'm white on white in these pictures. What a snowstorm!

mi brudder reedz up on ...

mi brudder mickey wuz puttin on hiz reedin glassez to reed up on ...

wermz.

it'z sumwut disturbin dat on accownta dat kitten joba we all havta hav sum werm medicin.

duhr.

an i wanna thank u fer yer verree wunnerful wishez fer a happee birfday. i hadda fabyoolus day in da grate owtdoorz.

da poop on joba

wermz.

da end.

heyyyyyyyyyyyy blogger

ware'z mi stuff?

i can' t see mi paje ...

can u? pleez lemme know! thank u an havva nice day.
oh wate ... dere it iz.

never mind.

early jete

az mi birfday approchez ... i thot u mite wanna see sum uv mi furst pikshurz.

dis furst one iz probublee da furst day i wuz ever in dis howse.

can u tell i wuzza feral?

i wuzza mess!

wow ... heer'zza close-up uv da mess i wuz.

duhr!

but now ...

hansum. (altho cleerly disturbed bi dat kitten joba.)